


Of Secret Agents and Fellowships.

by Lanna Michaels (lannamichaels)



Category: GoldenEye (1995), James Bond - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Community: contrelamontre, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-12-12
Updated: 2003-12-12
Packaged: 2017-10-08 08:53:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/74841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannamichaels/pseuds/Lanna%20Michaels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James is reading Lord of the Rings. Alec is cleaning his gun. Domestic bliss, as usual.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Secret Agents and Fellowships.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 45 minute contrelamontre interjections challenge.

"Shit!"

Alec looked over from cleaning his handgun. "Something the matter, 007?"

"Boromir just died."

"Come again?"

James did. Then, "In the book. The one I'm reading."

"Oh, yes. That. Here, let me clean you up." Alec did some licking, then sat back, stealing the book in the process. "The Lord of the Rings - The Two Towers," he read, then examined the cover with greater scrutiny. "Poncy bloke. Who is he?"

"Legolas."

"That means absolutely nothing to me."

"It's a good series, Alec. They made two films already of it. In fact, the actor who plays Boromir looks-"

"Just like me, I suppose?"

"Yes."

"Honestly, James, I make one snide comment during Mrs. Doubtfire and you never let me live it down. If you've seen the movies, why are you surprised by the books?"

James blushed and didn't answer. He mumbled something about 'too busy wanking', then changed the subject. "I want to fuck you."

"Too bad. It's my turn to be on top." Alec flipped around the cartridge and placed it back in the gun. He spun the chamber, aimed, and fired. A nice round hole appeared in the wall. Alec nodded in approval. "Dead accurate these things are."

James shook himself back into his skin and grabbed his cup of coffee. Living with Alec, mass quantities of coffee was a sad necessity. "For your birthday I'm buying you a silencer."

"I'd prefer a new set of handcuffs." Alec spun the chamber one more time and fired. Another hole appeared directly above the first one.

"What's wrong with the ones you already have?"

"They jam."

James blinked. Slowly. Then again. "They jam," he repeated, not sure he was hearing correctly.

"They do," Alec agreed, and put a third hole below the first two.

"You put me in them last night."

"And wouldn't it have been erotic to have to call Q because I couldn't get you out?"

"ALEC!"

"Yes, James?"

James opened his mouth then closed it again. He looked away and drained the rest of his coffee. "Never mind." He stood. "I'm making more coffee. Do you want?"

"No." Holes four and five started an abstract design in the plaster.

"Fine," James called over his shoulder. He started the coffee maker and hummed nervously as it worked. Alec was in a mood. It was equally possible that James would get beaten tonight. It was also possible that he get thrown out on his ass and not allowed to come. That would be bad.

Getting bored, Alec put down his gun and picked up James' book. After flipping through it, he threw it up in the air and shot two holes into it during its descent. "Good riddance to quaint British rubbish," he muttered. He spotted another book lurking in the corner of the room and walked over to pick it up. "Lord of the Rings - The Return of the King," he read. "How predictable. The king returns. And I suppose this bloke on the cover is the king." And a very shaggable king, if he did say so himself. "He could use a shower, though."

"Who could use a shower?"

"Your king."

James spewed the coffee he was sipping.

"Something the matter, 007?"

"Say that again."

"Say what again?"

"What you just said."

"You sound like a three year old, Bond," Alec sighed. "Very well. 'Your king.' Satisfied?"

"Shit," James muttered under his breath. "You sure you weren't Boromir in some previous life?"

"Do I look like I moonlight as an actor?"

"It's always the ones you least suspect," James said, nodding sagely.

Alec sighed. "Now I suppose you want me to confess to being a double agent only fucking you so you won't suspect me. That I have some nefarious plan to bring London back to the Dark Ages by utilizing a top-secret Soviet-"

"It's two thousand and three, 006."

"Ah, yes. My mistake. By utilizing a top-secret Russian spy satellite that turns into a gigantic magnetic field or whatnot - I never was very good with science beyond making explosives - to turn all electrical pulses inside all computes into that bad sludge of coffee you're always drinking. Then I'd kidnap you, throw you on an armored train, and fuck you while England died."

"What about my convenient female companion?"

Alec started cracking his fingernails one by one. "What did I tell you about picking up stray whores?"

"Not to do it?"

"Precisely. And what did I tell you I'd do to you if you picked up another stray whore while on a mission?"

"Not fuck me?"

"Exactly. So, Mr. Bond, will you have a convenient female companion when I kidnap you for trying to foil my dastardly scheme?"

"No, Alec."

"That's a good secret agent."

"Yes, Alec."

Alec assessed James for a long moment, taking in his guilty expression, his shaking hands, his raging hard on. "Are the books worth my time?"

"Well, the ancient elf is shagging the hirsute dwarf, the betrothed king is sleeping with his gay steward, the conflicted hobbit is fucking his fat gardener, two cousins are playing around with carrots, and the wizard is impaling himself on his staff for want of the evil sorcerer."

"Bugger off."

"I'm serious, Alec." James picked up Fellowship from the mantel. "It's all in here."

"Can I cheat and just watch the movies?"

James did his best to look disapproving, all the while banishing thoughts of fucking Alec during the Council of Elrond scene. "You really should read them first, 006. It makes the movies easier to follow."

"C'mere."

James obeyed. Alec spanked. Afterwards, they made popcorn and watched the film.

Halfway through, Alec turned to James and ran his fingers and up down James' cock. "Want something special, Mr. Bond?" Without pausing his ministrations, he made a fist around the base of James' cock and squeezed as hard as he could.

"FUCK!"


End file.
